On Waiting.

Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!

Waiting is one of the hardest phases of life. I don't like it. By far, this is the longest wait for me and I'm still in the midst of it. And during this season, I realized quite a few things about waiting. 

1. Waiting shows my priorities. I realized this during one of my vacations and asked myself where do I devote most of my free time -- mostly on myself's happiness. I realized I usually want to be distracted and be entertained to escape momentarily the agony of waiting. I was still doing the things I should do but I realized that I could have used the time not to play games but to be more engaged in my relationship with God and other people. 

In Psalm 27, David is in quite a mess. In verses 2,3,11,and 12,it can be seen that he is in trouble. But in the psalm, it reveals what David is prioritizing -- God. Psalm 27:4 says it beautifully: 

One thing I have desired of the LORD,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD,
And to inquire in His temple.

If he was to prioritize one thing in his life, it was to seek God.

2. Waiting is just a different honing process. Most people tell me, "Maybe God is just changing something in you". I guess people usually say it because it's an easy thing to say. I believe there's truth that in the season of waiting, it is still a process of change and it is quite a test to see where we are at in life. But, there's a danger in this statement. Because I believe that God can change us in any season in our life. One can be mislead that one doesn't need to change things because he's "doing alright" in life. At some point, all of us need change, right? 

3. Waiting requires faith. Waiting can be really discouraging. Facts can make you a statistician. Age, Salary, Economy, Position and many more can just smack you right in the head and make you hopeless. Past failures can even haunt you for maybe those failures put you in that waiting place you are now. Feelings are even worse. Feelings can jump any day especially in the waiting game. One day you are super encouraged, the next day melancholy hits you bad. 

I really like what verse 13 said in Psalm 27 (NKJV). I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. David would have lost heart, his will, if he hadn't believed that he would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. And he believed because he knew who God is. Verse 1 says:

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear? 

The Lord is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?

What I like about verse 13 is that it is a reminder that the goodness of the LORD can be seen while we are living. Of course, God's goodness will be ultimately realized in Christ's return, but today we can see it -- salvation made possible by Jesus' death and resurrection. 

Last note to self:

Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!

Right Place, Right Time?

I'm in a room full of girl's stuffed toys.

Currently, I'm crashing a friend's place and I'm in his children's playroom. This is the funniest place I've slept in. 

I've kind of got used to living away from home and living in other people's houses. In the past year, I've stayed in four different houses. Some of strangers, some of friends I met along the way. 

Now a question that seems to be in my mind is: Am I at the right place at the right time? 

It seems to me that the past year is a year of missing things out -- of being at the right place at the wrong time. I missed a lot of opportunities. I've been in awkward and hard conditions. And things that I expected, didn't happen. I guess to sum things up, I failed. Of course it's not defeat or total annihilation, it's just a phase where I lost a battle, though, it is a very costly one. I guess, failure is a phase that is hard to admit and accept. Some people encourage me by saying that I didn't fail, but it's just a challenge where I am being molded. But in a realistic sense -- I did fail. it's fine. There's a time for everything -- even for failure. And recognizing it, I believe, would help to recuperate,be stronger, and try again. 

It is just a phase. No right or wrongs; at this place, at this time. 

Magnas Inter Oper Inops

A pauper in the midst of wealth. - Horace

It was a sudden shift from desire to disdain. Immense wealth that cannot be attained, I thought, should be despised. Indeed, "to those who want much, much is lacking". It wasn't a shift towards asceticism but a regression towards contentment. I cannot say and affirm that I'm truly content. Indeed, the lust for such a grandiose life is still reeking throughout my body as it seeped through the crevices of my fallen heart.

The longing was intensified because I was surrounded with people of such stature. Success and wealth followed them. Maybe it was my covetous heart or my entitled self that realized that I should be in such position.

Wealth, in my life, always seem to be that dangling fruit that seems to be near but is unreachable. Being "rich" is really a moving target. 

High School Reunion

Tomorrow is our high school reunion after 10 years of our graduation. 

Quarter-life crisis feels.

Yesterday, I bumped into my old highschool friend in the train station. After a few lines of how-are-you's the inevitable topic of the reunion came up.

I am not alone. 

Back when I was a kid, I always wondered why people had quarter-life crises in their lives. It seems to me that this phenomenon is an inevitable phase in one's life. Now, I only have a faint memory of the promise I made that I won't be in that situation. It punched me while I wasn't looking.

For me, there are two sides of the quarter-life crisis coin. A negative and positive one. Negative, in the sense that one's life, comparatively, doesn't fit the norm or the expectations of people -- that they are not in the imaginary stereotypical bounds of success. Positive, in the sense that they are indeed are "tangibly" in those bounds but even though they have achievements, they are still in crisis  because of the need to prove that the imaginary bounds of stereotypical success is real. 

But I'm still going, after all, it's good to see old friends.

Instagram So Far

I experimented by creating an instagram account and following all my facebook friends. Instagram so far?

TOP 3 Intagram Posts (According to my Feed)

1. Sunsets/Nature

2. Selfie

3. Food 

If there's any correlation between posts and the users, I can hypothetically say that it's either a reflection of what they want to express or what stimulates them. 

First, nature or sunsets. The thing about sunsets is that it happens everyday. But as often as it happens, it's still magnificent everyday whether one is at the beach or just looking out the building window. It's good to appreciate the often overlooked things. Nature on the other hand, gives someone a refreshing view of life. As most people are in the usual confines of white pristine walls of their houses or offices, the scenery of nature provides a temporary escape. It calibrates the perspective of someone in life. 

Second, selfies. Selfies are self-explanatory. 

Third, food. We eat everyday. Even if it is a common need, I think it's also serves a visual nourishment for some. 

Interesting.